The Hyperjitteranx

I didn’t sleep last night. It isn’t that I attempted to sleep but couldn’t bring myself to a restful state. I actually didn’t even crawl into bed. I had too much to do to get ready for a work trip, and needed to be dressed like a grown-up and on a plane at 5:30 a.m. It wasn’t an ideal situation, but it needed to be managed because I like having a paycheck.

I hoped I could sleep for a couple hours on the plane, but I was wired. I had a middle seat and there was a hot, young guy seated next to me. I opted to chat with him, rather than risk passing out and drooling on him. We ended up talking through the whole flight. It was a fun conversation, but in hindsight, I probably should have just gone for the drool. I live in Denver, after all; hot, young guys are everywhere.

Now it is 12:14 p.m.  It has been 30 hours since I last slept.

I’m trying to finish something that’s due in a couple hours but I can hardly look at it. The numbers are running together on the screen as if they’re made of chocolate syrup.  I don’t even know what those numbers mean, or what they taste like, or why they are not on ice cream.

When I don’t sleep, my awareness of light and sound intensifies until it is debilitating. I become a hypersensitive, jittery, anxious monster—a Hyperjitteranx, if you will.

Here is a list of things the Hyperjitteranx would like to eradicate today:

  1. Light bulbs
  2. Surfaces that reflect light
  3. Objects that emit light
  4. Computer screens
  5. Phone screens
  6. Anything with a reflective surface
  7. Fingerprints on my reading glasses
  8. Pant legs that rub together in a way I can hear as my coworkers walk down the hall
  9. Telephone ringers
  10. People who call my coworkers and cause their phones to ring
  11. Coworkers who check voicemail while on speakerphone
  12. People who speak within earshot of me
  13. Headphones that inexplicably stopped working when I got to the office. Or maybe they work but my ears are failing
  14. Not knowing whether my headphones are failing or my ears are damaged
  15. The feeling of realizing I just took the last of my personal Advil stash
  16. Walking down the hall for more Advil
  17. That pompous little Keurig machine and the pretentious little whooshy sound it makes to announce when it has finished brewing a cup, as if to say, “Et…. voila!”
  18. Text messages that make my phone vibrate
  19. People who send multiple text messages in rapid succession, making my phone vibrate multiple times in rapid succession
  20. 111-degree weather outside
  21. People who say 111-degree weather is bearable
  22. The salad I ate for lunch, which was not fried and did not have sugar
  23. Things that are not fried and have no sugar
  24. Things that are not caffeine
  25. Surfaces that are not beds
  26. Objects that are not pillows
  27. Eye contact
  28. Sound
  29. Light
  30. Blogging


6 thoughts on “The Hyperjitteranx

      1. Thanks! I think being super-sensitive pairs with being creative– or at least, the creative people I know are also pretty sensitive. It’s a double-edged sword, I guess. But it’s a new day and I am rested!

        Liked by 1 person

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